


Oxymoronic

by BlossomingWrists



Category: Big Hero 6, Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Angst, Brother Complex, Cute, Eating Disorder, Fluff, Incest, Love, M/M, Self Harm, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 02:49:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4123083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlossomingWrists/pseuds/BlossomingWrists
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oxymoronic: (adj.) A figure of speech that juxtaposes elements that appear to be contradictory. Oxymora appear in a variety of contexts, including inadvertent errors (such as "ground pilot") and literary oxymorons crafted to reveal a paradox.</p><p>/\/\/\</p><p>Hiro has trouble explaining his relationship with his brother in any way that isn't a paradox.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Um. Hi. I'm just beginning to learn about this site... First fanfic. I hope it's okay. Just some fluff while everything gets set up. Hope you like :3

Hiro was never afraid of the dark. Not really anyway. Tadashi swears Hiro used to bawl every time the lights unexpectedly went out on him but, yeah, sure. Hiro was never afraid of the dark.

Hiro adores the dark actually. He can't help but allow his lips to curl up into a smile each time he pulls a light switch down. He still rushes to get under his covers and cocoon himself in them but it isn't so the monsters in his closet don't kidnap him. That's something for 10 year-olds, not 14 year-olds. When Hiro runs, it's in anticipation for what comes out in the dark.

"Tadashi?" Hiro whispers, blinking a few times to adjust his eyes faster. He holds his breath while he waits for his brother to reply. Tadashi stirs for a moment, his blankets rustling as he switches to his other side, but keeps quiet. "Dashi..." Hiro sings quietly, holding out the last syllable until his brother snaps.

"Hiro!" Tadashi groans, burying his face into his pillow. Every night is the same. He really should be used to this by now. "Yes, my wonderful brother that has yet to understand the beauty of a good night's rest?"

Finally. Hiro grins in his brother's direction, happy to be acknowledged. "Tell me a secret." Hiro demands, a small giggle slipping out.

"Isn't it your turn?" Tadashi thinks back, clearly being able to remember 24 hours ago when he admitted to an accidental singeing of his eyebrows being the reason he started wearing his baseball cap so much. "Nice try, Hiro."

"But you're better at this than me..." Hiro whines quietly. This was how Tadashi helped Hiro overcome his supposedly nonexistent fear of the dark. If something fearful is turned into something joyful, well, how could it possibly be scary?

When Hiro was 10 and struggling to cope with the fact that he was frightened of anything, he began to develop the worst coping mechanisms. In reality, practically everything scared him, and raising a child that shoves his palms hard enough into his eyes that he topples over each time something makes him jump... Well, it's not the easiest thing in the world. As funny as Hiro's turtle defense was at first, it was a real problem. Hiro would be vulnerable his entire life if he never knew better.

Aunt Cass decided that Hiro's horribly disguised fear of the dark had to be the first to be dealt with. Surely that one magnified everything else. She began asking Hiro every once in awhile if he wanted to walk to the candy shop down the street with her, around eight so the streets were dark as they could be in San Fransokyo with the always bright lights.

"Can I just stay with Tadashi?" Hiro would always answer quickly. See, he thought his family members would read this as a 'I love my brother so much-I don't even need candy' not a 'The candy isn't worth it if I die!' Aunt Cass would sigh and go up to her room after giving Tadashi a shrug. As if to say, 'New tacit?'

Yes, they just needed to look at Hiro from a different angle. Now he just had to find what angle he needed.

"Hiro, I'm going up to bed." Tadashi stretched his arms above his head and yawned to put the point home: he was tired. "Yeah, okay." Hiro immediately dropped the scrap pieces he was playing with-- screwing the bolts together over and over again really. "I'll go up too then." He stayed right behind his brother as they climbed the stairs. Tadashi didn't want to check and risk embarrassing Hiro but he was pretty sure the little boy was holding onto the back of his shirt. It was the smallest presence but it was there. Tadashi found himself smiling.

Different angle. Right.

Tadashi pulled his shirt over his head once they were in the brother's shared room. His jeans soon followed. Hiro took longer to look ready. He fidgeted with everything as Tadashi situated himself in bed. He watched his little brother, tilting his head to the right for a literal new angle. "Wanna play a game?" He blurts out, not sure where he's going with this. It's a hunch. Might as well follow it. Hiro's head snaps up. Game? "Come here," Tadashi chuckles. "Just turn the lights out."

Hiro bites his lip as his hand hovers just above the light switch. The hesitation lasts for half a second but it's there and Tadashi can't help but notice. He almost wishes he had had a camera for that moment. His brother looked so innocent. Hiro runs for Tadashi's bed as soon as the lights are out, tackling his brother."What's the game?" He asks, somehow ending up in Tadashi's lap. How did that happen?

"Okay, so..." Think of something Tadashi! Maybe jumping in blind wasn't a great idea. "Secrets." The idea hasn't even fully formed in his head yet but he's still talking. Why exactly?

"Secrets?" Hiro echoes, his face probably dropping. The dark makes it hard to tell.

"Yes!" Thoughts formed, excitement causes that to come out a bit too loud. He lowers his voice back to a whisper. "Yes, secrets. When the lights are out we tell each other everything, okay? This is an alternate universe almost-- when the lights go back on we don't know anything that was said in the dark."

"I don't get it." Hiro frowns, not understanding why his brother is trying to do. "Give me an example." That's how Hiro learns best after all. He's so smart for his age because he's been watching Tadashi for years, dreaming of following his brother's footsteps.

Tadashi groans, his head falling forward and hitting Hiro's. This earns a soft 'ow' from the boy but neither moves. "I actually don't like Aunt Cass' hot wings. That's a secret and you only know it when the lights are out. When the lights are on... It's a separate reality where you don't. Make sense now?" Slowly, Hiro nods.

"And... We can say anything we want because it's just the two of us..." The dark is a safe place after all. Is that what Tadashi is saying?

"Exactly," a smile spreads on Tadashi's lips. "It's just the two of us and we would never judge each other--I love you too much."

"I love you too," Hiro replies and Tadashi would like to believe it's more than the automatic response that Hiro has programmed in his brain for family. Automatic for Aunt Cass maybe, but not him surely. It isn't just habit when he says it to Hiro anyway.

"So... Your turn. Since I said the thing about the hot wings..." Tadashi's heart pounds for some odd reason. Hiro rests his head on his brother's shoulder, suddenly tired. He hopes his brother will let him stay here for the night. His own bed is all the way across the room. He understands the dark is a safe zone but Tadashi is so much safer.

"Well, I ate a crayon the other day." Hiro yawns, nuzzling his face into the crook of Tadashi's neck. "Brian dared me to and called me a baby so I just did it..." He smiles and teases his brother a bit. "Don't worry, I picked red so it wouldn't stain my mouth." Tadashi can be such a worrywart.

Hiro was never afraid of the dark. Not really. He was afraid of what was lurking. As soon as Tadashi showed him it was okay to cast light on the secrets in the back of his closet, there was no need to be afraid. He knew his brother best in the dark. He loved his brother most in the dark.


	2. Cheerful Pessimist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate all the positive reviews so far! Thanks a ton. Here's another bit. My phone screwed it up the first time but I think it's better after I had to rewrite it all anyway. Haha. Maybe it was a good thing but it still annoyed me a ton!
> 
> Hope you enjoy :3
> 
> /\/\/\

Hiro hums as he works. He's built the bot just below his standards on purpose. Even he knows it's ugly but Tadashi doesn't need to know that. Tadashi will see his cute younger brother struggling and jump at the chance to help. Tadashi is wonderful like that. He's swapping the gear ratio around to take away torque and further mess his creation when the garage door creaks open. 

"I'm checking on him right now, Aunt Cass! No need to worry!" Tadashi calls back to answer something the boy doesn't quite catch. It's easy to assume it was something about how he skipped lunch today. His aunt worries to much about food. He was busy working, of course he wasn't hungry. Luckily Tadashi understands, he usually does, or maybe he just doesn't feel like pressing it right at this moment. Tadashi isn't stupid either. 

Hiro leans back in his chair to watch his brother's upside-down form approach him. "Yo," he smiles, "How was your nerd school today?" Pretending to care usually earns him brownie points. He may need those. 

Tadashi sets his bag in the corner next to the door, same every day. Years ago, Hiro even wrote 'Nii-chan's corner' in red crayon. Aunt Cass thought it was so cute she never scrubbed it off. That was a mistake of course, little Hiro took that as incentive to draw all over. His robot depictions were all removed but pictures float around and Hiro sees one every once in awhile. Tadashi swore they'd make each of Hiro's drawings for real one day, when they're older. Hiro wonders if they're older yet. 

"My nerd school?" Tadashi laughs, already used to Hiro's affectionate but snide comments. "It was fantastic, thank you for asking. I got some serious studying done." He ruffles his younger brother's hair and peers at the hunk of... Well, he's not really sure. "What's that you're working on?" He tries to ask as kindly as possible. 

"MuscleBot!" Hiro answers enthusiastically. "He's for senior showcase." He hurriedly explains to his brother all about how he tried to give the boy a six motor design where five are slaves to the one master to improve efficiency. Oh, and because he only wants to program one. It's a system that promotes laziness too. He's having technical difficulties at the moment though. "He'll never be done in time for tomorrow night!" Hiro giggles as if this is hilarious. 

If it is, Tadashi doesn't see the humor. He examines MuscleBot with his eyes, dissecting each aspect. Not a single part has a bit of Hiro spark in it. What's wrong with his brother? Hiro's projects are always full of inspired doohickeys and ingenuity. Hiro can do so much better. So, what's going on?

"You are finishing," is all Tadashi says as he grabs Hiro's wrist and drags him out of the house. He doesn't fish for the reason behind all of this. The clear message that Hiro needs him is all it takes for him to dedicate his afternoon to fixing MuscleBot with Hiro. Just like how they used to spend their afternoons, fiddling with spare parts. Maybe that's exactly what Hiro was asking for. 

This wasn't just a devious plan to get Tadashi to build Hiro's bot for him. No, that's simply horrid. It was a devious plan so Hiro could finally spend quality time with his brother. Recently, Tadashi has been so caught up in end of the year projects that Hiro isn't even sure his brother knows he's graduating this year. At the age of 14. Maybe that's exaggerating at tad. He knows his brother loves him and all that sappy stuff but... He misses his brother, okay? Is that allowed. 

Well, Hiro's pride doesn't allow him to admit it. Instead, he found a way around talking and made Tadashi the one who instigated everything. Technically. 

MuscleBot ends up being a bot to actually be proud of, much to Hiro's amazement. Looking at each piece, he can remember either buying it at the shop or fixing it in place. All with his brother's steady hands and voice coaching him. 

"Think it can lift you?" Tadashi asks randomly, looking over the tiny bit one more time. That was part of the wonder factor. A robot barely up to the knee lifts a ton (not literally). 

"What? Why?" Hiro answers, perplexed but only with half his brain. The other part is focused on the creation in his brother's hands. Last minute perfections and paint jobs are in order. 

Tadashi carefully hands MuscleBot over to Hiro, as if the metal and wires were their child instead of the reality of it. "You don't remember?" He walks to the other side of the garage, the neater side where all his things are, and indicates the cork board next to his calendar. The one with all his important test days highlighted with exclamation points around them. Hiro can't help but notice the night of the senior showcase is also marked, but with his name in big block letters instead. 

"Remember what?" He tries not to smile but he can't help but stare at the calendar. His brother knew. His brother remembered. His brother loves him. 

"These!" Tadashi exclaims, drawing Hiro's attention back to the cork board. It's covered with the old pictures of his crayon drawings, each with a different robot doing something stupid or silly. One is actually lifting up a little boy with overly spiky hair. Another hands out lollipops with a smile. "My inspiration everyday," he laughs, but not in a way that implies he's joking. He's serious. 

"Huh." Hiro doesn't know what else to say. He reaches to hold his brother's wrist instead of talking and rests his forehead on Tadashi's forearm. It's a thank you almost but not quite. He can't explain what he wants to say. It doesn't make sense yet. 

Tonight, when the lights go out and they're in the dark, he'll know exactly what to say. When the time to tell his secret comes, he'll climb into Tadashi's bed so he only has to whisper it into his brother's ear. He'll explain how desperate he was to spend time with Tadashi and how he decided to be a cute, irresistible, and cheerful pessimist to get his brother's attention. He might even try to put into words how he felt afterwards when Tadashi showed him the pictures. It's definitely a challenge and Hiro Hamada doesn't turn down away from a challenge. 

Tadashi will probably laugh at his confession. Then reassure him that Tadashi is always paying attention to him, that nothing's more important. At least that's true in the dark. Dark-Tadashi doesn't have to study after all. Light-Hiro understands though. At least, when he's thinking clearly. 

Hiro adores the dark. Really.


	3. Friendly Harassment

The teacher circles question after question on Hiro's exam. Maybe it was a mistake to not go back and check everything. He was just so sure of every question! Maybe his calculator was bugged. He began punching in random equations he could easily do in his head. Nope, everything seemed to be in order... What an idiot, he could imagine the other students thinking, first to finish and lowest score too. Ha, serves him right. Hiro tried to sink further into his desk in the front row. He had to be imagining the eyes burning into his back. All the other students were too absorbed in their final exam to be giving him such an intense stare. It's all a trick from his humiliated brain. He flicks his forehead in annoyance. Get your shit together, he thinks to himself. 

Hiro has never heard his physics teacher laugh so loudly before. Chuckles were a normal thing, though they were usually in pity after someone asked a particularly bad question. Not stupid, since those don't exist for some reason, but certainly dimwitted. The laughing continues, odd in the otherwise silent room, as does the red pen. Then the test is placed next to Hiro's head on his desk. The moment of truth. How bad could it honestly be?

99%. What? That made no sense. Actually... Hiro flipped through the pages like a mad man, trying to find where all the red pen ink was. There was none. Except for a bit on the first and last page anyway. He looked up at his teacher, who was still smiling smugly and holding up a scratch paper covered in random squiggles of red ink. Hiro's jaw went slightly slack. What a jerk! "I thought I failed!" He hissed, receiving a shrug in response. Maybe the guy was human after all, hungry for a good joke. Teachers always seemed so alien. 

So, what did Hiro miss then? He was just shy of a perfect score, so what ruined it? He flips to the last page, happy with his score but still curious to know where he fumbled. In the short answer section, the second to last one. Perhaps the teacher just didn't understand his layman's terms. Maybe he can negotiate himself back to a 100%. His eyes review his answer to find where the point had been taken off. Then he sees the circle at the end of his last sentence. No... This can't be serious...

'Really, kid?' Almost impossible to comprehend scrawl reads. 'Anyway, congratulations. Pleasure to have in class. Just like your brother. Say hello for me.'

Hiro Hamada left a period off the end of a sentence and lost a perfect 100% on his physics final because of it. Oh, he is never going to hear the end of this from Tadashi. "A period?" Hiro whines quietly to himself. The shame pooling at the bottom of his stomach is making him sink even farther into his desk than before. Now his legs are sticking so far out that he'd definitely trip any passerby that fails to notice his despair-ridden form until it's too late for them. Luckily, no one goes by. It's a final block after all. The teacher chuckles though. It's the regular pity chuckle.

Hiro folds the test as small as it will go and stuffs it into his jacket pocket. No one has to see it unless he wants them too. He's left staring at the whiteboard for another half hour, debating how to tell Tadashi. He could say he got a 99 and not offer the reason why, but his brother will probably ask anyway. Is it a thing worth lying about? Is it a thing worth telling in the dark?

The dark. No. Hiro groans and flicks his forehead again. He's not supposed to think about the dark. It's against the rules. He remembers Tadashi's face when he almost slipped up and told Aunt Cass that his brother doesn't like hot wings and his face heats with the shame. He never wanted to do anything like that again. So, the challenge was to keep the two worlds separate, and it was proving difficult. 

The bell ringing seemed louder than usual. Maybe because it was the last hour end of the school year. It was the last Hiro would ever hear, even though he's barely the age for starting high school. Well, whatever reason, the loud bell surprised Hiro enough that he jumped in his seat. Usually, he's one of the first out from his strategic front row, next to the door, seat but a few people rush out before him. They're more enthusiastic than Hiro saw them all year. A small smile on his face, he joins the much taller crowd on the way out the door. 

He's forgotten the reason he was planning to be the first out, more so than usual. The plan was to bolt out. The plan was not to stop for a second and watch the seniors empty cans of silly string in each other's faces. The plan was not this because there are hands on Hiro's shoulders tugging him backwards, away from the crowds and into the science buildings bathroom. 

Fuck, Hiro thinks, almost reaching up to flick his forehead. Someday he might end up with a bruise there. Before he can do anything though, he's tossed against the tiled wall. "What the fuck, dude? I thought we had a deal." Josh's red face is close enough for that Hiro can see the older boy's freckles on his cheeks as he snarls. They almost form a warped constellation of a Virgo. That can't possibly be right, can it? 

"Are you a Virgo?" Hiro blurts out. He tries to ignore his increased heart rate. Josh and him are buddies! Really! Sure, Josh asked for help cheating on all his final exams and Hiro agreed, only to not do anything when testing week came. Sure, Josh probably wanted his head on a silver platter.

But they were buddies!

"Did you just ask if I'm a fucking virgin?" Josh spat, his face even redder. 

"No!" Hiro yelled, almost frantic. He didn't know how to diffuse the situation. Actual people had too complicated coding. Especially the dumb ones. "I meant to ask if you were born under the Virgo-- month of September! Is your birthday in September?"

"Well, I'm definitely not a virgin." Josh snapped, ignoring Hiro's last ramble. "See, I, uh..." It took awhile for the guy to gather his thoughts. He backed away from Hiro, his eyebrows pinched. "I mean, I've even fucked your sister."

That must have been difficult, Hiro thinks, keeping his face neutral. "Oh, wow." Hopefully the sarcasm isn't obvious. It only drips a tad. "I believe it too... My sister is a total slut..." It hurts to say, even if she doesn't really exist. He can't imagine talking about Tadashi like this. 

Josh nods. Hiro nods. The conversation is over. Josh probably forgot all about the tests in the rush to assure Hiro he was not a virgin in the slightest. 

Hiro hopes he never sees Josh ever again. Too bad the world is full of people like Josh. 

The entire walk home, Hiro can't stop himself from thinking about what he's going to tell Tadashi that night. In the dark. Not that he knows what that means... Separate universes, right? Ugh, he sucks at exploiting loopholes. 

Maybe he can confess he called his sister a slut. Tadashi will flick his forehead for the dirty word. Maybe that's why he does that so much? But then ask what sister Hiro could possibly mean. Hiro will say he has no idea and they'll both laugh. Then Tadashi will pull Hiro close and they'll fall asleep. The dark is the best. 

He has something to say instead of his 99% at least, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I think I'll wait for feedback before I update, just so I know if people like the direction I'm heading in. I hope you like this chapter. :)
> 
> If there's an oxymoron that you think should be here at some point let me know! I'd love to incorporate it!


End file.
